Life speeds past

So much is going on right now based on decisions made. Our home is for sale and a sale looks imminent as we're negotiating an offer and may have another coming in. We have decided to move to another state and build our dream house after sitting on this decision for 7 years. There are several things to consider, like caring for the parents that are our responsibility, but we know they are very elderly and will not be around forever, and we have decided to move on, at least as far as we can. It's exciting and scary, but gratifying. We are both on the same page with this, which is a very good thing. Can't wait to get closer to family - I have missed them so much, especially the grands. Can't wait to leave this state, that has become so crowded and now so politically unfriendly. I am looking forward to hearing the Southern drawl again (and probably having to translate for Yankee hubby). Life is like a train ride. Sometimes you're in a tunnel, sometimes just sitting at the station, sometimes broken down, but often just speeding down the tracks, heading somewhere you hope is the right place.

Who's Got Your Back?

When it comes right down to it, I think what keeps a lot of marriages together after the passion dies is knowing that somebody has your back. If I lost my husband tomorrow, I think I would miss that the most. No matter what happens, no matter how angry or annoyed he is at me, there is no doubt that he is there looking out for me. He may sometimes be heavy-handed about it, growling and snorting, but his heart is in the right place and he only wants what's best for me. We may disagree at times about what that is (oh, yeah!), but my back is covered. I feel a little ashamed because I don't think I do the same for him, but on the other hand, he defends himself so strongly that he doesn't seem to need me for that. There have been times I disagreed with a stand he took, or something he did, so strongly that I didn't back him up. There have also been times that he backed off after realizing he had come on too strong. Marriage and relationships never stay in the same place. What works one day doesn't even begin to work the next. People keep changing, their needs and wishes keep changing, and you just have to hope that you're growing toward each other rather than apart.

Who are we, and why are we here?

OK, no philosophical question at all, but serious inquiries. Who are we? We've been married almost 19 years, both married multiple times (between us we have 7 marriages), and because of the circumstances under which we met, everyone predicted it would never last. I think it's lasted this long because we were going to prove them wrong. Actually, we do care about each other, but sometimes it's hard - marriage never came easy for me. It's really hard to totally trust somebody else to always be there, to do the right thing, to never hurt you, etc. etc. Maybe my expectations are too high, but at this point in my life, there are no plans to start over. So, you do the best you can, get through the day and sometimes, just sometimes, wish it could be a little better. Face it, girl, the excitement you used to feel will never be there again - the heart-pounding, palm-sweaty, can't-wait-to-be-alone feeling. Not sure if I could conjure that up even for a stranger, or George Clooney. And the price I paid for all of those feelings......I won't do that again, and probably shouldn't have done it before. But it was sweet!

The Ups and Downs of ED

Those Cialis commercials.....I understand them (the symbolic foreplay, the double-tubbed afterglow) but I don't get the desire. I mean, c'mon, who ever gets the urge to have sex in the middle of painting a room, doing laundry, or cleaning food crumbs off a sloppy spouse's mouth. Sex after 60 is not as spontaneous as in the 40's, or even the 50's. You have to plan ahead, allow enough time to get the engines running, turn the TV off and be prepared to giggle (with, not at). Sometimes laughing with somebody is a turn-on all by itself. The things that used to work don't - like x-rated videos. You find yourself laughing over the terrible acting, the lack of a plot and the lousy dialog. Not to mention the really horrible sound track. Ew.

On the up side, with enough effort, you find that everything works just as well as it used to! Now I'm off to do laundry and paint a room (yeah, right).

Are we having fun yet?

Life has so much potential for being great after 60 - but experiencing the greatness seems to be a challenge. Let's look at the facts - good stuff (retired in Florida, married to a nice man, good health, great family), bad stuff (retired in Florida, married to a nice man, taking care of elderly parents). Did you notice the duplication? Retirement is really nice, especially when you have retired from a stressful career, but you can almost feel the brain cells dying away. Marriage is great, most of the time. OK, some of the time. Two type A personalities spending way too much time together does lead to lively discussion.

This blog will be my way of talking about some of the problems, joys, situations, expectancies, compromises, etc. etc. that fill ones days, i.e., missing the kids and grandkids, worrying about the failing health of the parents, wishing there was more money, feeling resentful about not being able to travel (again, parental health), loss of sexuality (now that's a big one), and looming over all, the future. And of course, an incontinent cat that also presents hairballs as precious gifts.

I promise not to whine (OK, maybe a little). Pity parties are allowed, but only for 5 minutes at a time. When you realize that you don't have as much in front of you as you have behind you, you really want to focus on quality, and that includes laughing and feeling simple joy over something, even if it's something small.

This is going to be fun.